


God Forbid - Lucas - Wattpad

by Sebastian_txt



Category: Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), amazigphil, crabstickz, kickthepj
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6675277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sebastian_txt/pseuds/Sebastian_txt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally Written On Wattpad ((still by me just another username)) Its about Chris and PJ getting out of horid situations and being with one another basically. Chris is in an occult and Peej is just in a shitty relationship.<br/>INACTIVE BUT NOT COMPLETED, MOST LIKELY WILL NOT BE UPDATED!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. -All You Sinners Stand Up Sing Hallelujah-

*Chris's POV*

We walk out of church, my parents heads bowed in prayer even after the two masses on Sunday morning. I shift uncomfortably in my dress cloths as we walk down the road, I look over at the fence, I should just leave. My parents joined this... this, cult when I was 9 years old, since then all they do is pray, eat, and cook. We haven't passed that fence since I broke my arm when I was 12, the doctor here couldn't fix it. That was 10 years ago. I'm not allowed out ever, I have a job and I went to school, well, I was home schooled after we got here, and as for a job? I work in the little convenience store here 5 days a week, Sunday and Saturday have both been considered holy days. I don't believe any of that shit, but it's not like I get much of a choice.

I sit down to dinner that night and stay silent as my parents pray. I look down at the mush on my plate, loosing my appetite fast. My mother was never a great cook, but at least when I was little we always had mac-and-cheese or some left over pizza in the fridge. In the community growing up, there were only 7 other kids. I never got good at interacting and by the time I was eleven I was constantly tormented. They used to call me a fag, so I would google what that was, and all I could think was they were right. We have very limited access and many sites are blocked, but I have a computer and have found different ways around it.

"Chris? Honey, why aren't you eating?" My mother asks, her eyes kind.

"Just not hungry I guess" I push some of the bits around with my fork, "can I just go upstairs?" My mom nods forgivingly and I slouch into my room, pulling out the old laptop.

Hey I message him, we have been talking for a few months and I can't help falling for him slightly every time we talk.

How was you're super religious hippie fest? I grin at his response to my telling him what goes on, thinking back, I probably shouldn't have mentioned my parents literally dragged me into a cult.

Terrible, how was you're day?

What do you expect? Another day, pretend to be straight, eat dinner, and I'm getting ready for work now...

What do you mean 'pretend to be straight'? Aren't you engaged?

He doesn't respond, and I guess I understand but I'm nervous PJ? Hey... You there buddy? I double text him, staring at my screen, desperate for a response.

Chris, I think you should know I'm, ya know, I'm gay. It's not like I didn't know, but it's still odd to hear him say. I compose myself before responding.

Well I kinda understand dating the girl but why propose then??? If this was face to face he would pause and stare at me, I've seen it from our very few Skype conversation.

I dunno... But I can't just call off the engagement!

What? Is she pregnant?!? I ask, suddenly very concerned.

NO! He answers urgently and I can see the bubble telling me he is typing again, They have been so nice and she's a sweet girl but I... I have so many excuses for things and I know how she will react and im scared Chris!

Calm down. Just tell her be like 'man, im way too gay for you' And if she makes you feel bad remember you're great and you'll be okay and I'm always here for you.

Chris I want to meet you before I do. He responds almost imeadiatly and his reaction leaves me speechless. I don't know how to respond, he knows I can't, he knows I want to. Jump the fence or somthing! If I could I would find a way inside but you said I would be dragged here forever...

I'll try I say, finally convinced. I will, I'll find a way out to meet him, maybe I'll stay out, not come back here.

Thank you so much, I've gotta go to work, can we Skype tonight when I get home?

Of course.

Thanks I get off at midnight tonight so I'll call you around 12:30?

Yeah. That's perfect.

He logs off and I'm left smiling sweetly at my computer screen. I hear footsteps up the stairs and switch my screen to some religious bullshit.

"Chris? Are you okay?"

"Fine mum, I'm doing great!" I yell through the door, she then opens it, I was hoping she wouldn't.

"Don't spend too much time on that thing." She says, gesturing to my computer, I sigh and shut it off.

"What do you want?" I look over at her as she sits down on my bed.

"You havnt been praying and you spend all your time clicking away on that thing!" She snaps, I'm sudenly annoyed.

"Mum I don't beleive this! I want to leave! See the world, live a real life!" She slaps my across my face, pressing her lips together.

"DONT YOU EVER SAY THAT CHRISTOPHER JAMES KENDALL! THE LORD AND THIS COMUNITY HAVE PROVIDED US WOTH EVERYTHING WE HAVE!"

"MUM! WHAT LORD? WHAT COMMUNITY? THIS IS A FUCKING CULT!" I stand up, matching angrily across the room "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? YOU COULD JUST SIGN US ALL UP FOR THIS LIFE??? WELL I DIDNT GET THE OPTION YOU DID AND I DONT WANT TO STAY HERE!"

"ITS NOT A CULT, YOU CAN LEAVE WHENEVER YOU WANT!"

"WITH A FUCKING ESCORT!" I yell, pushing a few papers off my desks.

"LEAVE! I DONT WANT YOU TO STAY HERE ANYMORE IF YOURE GONNA TALK LIKE THIS!" I'd love to, but you literally need permission, wich they will never give me, and the fence is as high security as the ones I see in the shitty TV shows I find off-line.

"Tell me how and I'll be gone by morning." I finally say, PJ will help me and I'm sure I'll find some way to make a little money.

"You can quit, same way we joined, same place, but then you can never come back and if you do they will shoot you on site" she says it low and whispered, like she knows it has to be said but she doesn't wanna say it.

"Good thing I don't wanna come back, I'll go down in the morning and quit, I'll pack and ask my friend for help... My friend on the outside." She had to know, might as well get a clear slate.

"What?!?Is there any other LIFE CHANGING SECRET I SHOULD KNOW BEFORE I NEVER SEE MY SON AGAIN? HUH?" I laugh.

"Actually, there is. When they called me a fag? Yeah they were damn right, I'm bisexual. So yeah, fuck you, fuck the cult, fuck God." She storms off, crying. I feel bad for about 4 seconds before I check the time, I have about 3 hours till I'm supposed to log on for PJ, that's enough time to pack what I'll need, besides my computer I have to leave that out till we talk.

I pull out the duffle bag I had when I came here, along with my old school backpack and the bag they initiated here. I throw all the cloths I might actually use and the charger for my computer. I put all my money I've saved over the years into different pockets of my old backpack, I start grabbing other things I may need and I can't help feeling like I'm a little kid running away. I stop at a photo of me and my parents before we came here, we all look so happy, I havnt seen them like that in years. My dad always making jokes and my mother laughing along, now their bitter and sad and I can't help but think this place has done it to em, because it has. I quikly shove the photo to the bottom of the duffle bag.

By the time I get everything I think I need stuffed in the bag, it's 12:26 and I log online, clicking the video call right away.

"Hey Chris!" He says, a smile that wasn't there earlier creeping into his face.

"Hey Peej... Uh-" he looks concerned and of course he should, "I need your help... Um... I'm leaving. I need you to pick me up and I can't come back here so if you have like a car that would be really helpful... Also I need you waiting at the gate around 9 am tomorrow, I looked it up, we are 3 hours from you and I would really appreciate-"

"Of course! But why can't you come back? Do you have a place to stay out here?"

"Er... That's the other thing... I only know you and if I come back they will kill me for 'deserting'."

"You can stay with me, but you have to be sure, I mean your parents... And this is your life..." I shake my head.

"I'm 22 man, and I got in a fight with my mum and she told me to leave and how to... I know she didn't mean it when she said to leave but now she knows I am and I guess I said some stuff and she... doesn't necessarily want me here anymore because of that..."

"Chris, what exactly did you tell her?" I finally get the courage to look at his green eyes, almost hypnotised. "Christopher you're gonna fucking tell me what you said"

"I didn't wanna be here, I don't beleive in God... Andimbisexual" I say the last part as if it's one word, just getting it out as quik as possible.

"I thought so... I'll be there at nine. I'm calling off the engagement soon and she doesn't live with me but you'll probably have to sleep on the couch, I've only got one bed and my apartments really small. I'll help try and get you a job... Don't worry, we've got this." I smile at him, the hall clock chiming one, "I think we both have to get ready now, I'll see you in about 8 hours." I smile broadly, excited and terrified at once.

"I'll see you in like 8 hours." We both just stare for a few moments, as if in a trance. I reach to turn off the monitor, but just rest my hand on the key, I can't help but think what this would be like in real life. I'd reach out my hand to his shoulder and he might look down for a second before meeting my gaze again, maybe his eyes would close and I'd lean twords him and-

"Soon, Chrissy." And the screen goes black, I close my computer with a sigh, shoving it in my bag. I have about 7 hours till the office opens and I can check out. I laugh, sounds like I'm leaving a hotel, not my life.

But it will be worth it. I'll see him, it will be okay, it will all work out.

I kill the time by making some edible food and daydreaming about what was to come. I pace around, I'm scared but I can't say goodbye and there is no turning back. It's 3 o'clock, Peej is almost on the way, I'm really gonna see him.

The clock strikes 7 and I get ready to go, by the time it hits 8 I'm out the door and running twords the office.

I bursts through the door and the old dude, Alfred, who runs it stares at me.

"Yeah, hello, I wanna leave here. I wanna quit, never come back, I do NOT want to be a member!" I yell, throwing my papers down on the desk.

"You need to get permission from Father"

"Alright then go get him, they can't deny me leave. You CAN quit and I'm gonna!" He holds up a finger like 'one minute' and shuffles over to the phone, he says some words and tells me 'five minutes' and gestures to a chair. I sit down and wait until 'father' comes in.

"So you are leaving us, Christopher?"

"Yeah, see ya, bitch!" He rolls his eyes angrily but by law he has to let me leave. I endure his blessing and the final signings of paper work.

"Do you have a plan for when you leave?"

"Yeah my friends picking me up and I can stay with him." I check my watch, "fuck you and you're religion!" I point my fingers as I begin to back out, grabbing my passes and papers and run to the gate, just beyond them I can see a parked car, I show the guard my pass and he opens the gate. "FINALLY!" I scream, running twords the car, PJ rushes out of it, pulling me into a tight embrace, I don't even relise it until his shirt is soaked in my tears but I'm crying, also practically panting because I'm outrageously out I shape, "I did it..." I mumble against his shoulder, "I'm out... I can't go back" he just pulls me against him more. I relise he is crying as well as I slowly pull away, I wipe one of his tears away almost subconsciously as he begins to smile.

"Wow... Was it really that easy to get out? That doesn't... Make since?" I shrug,

"I'm out! Isn't that what matters?" He smiles, pulling me back against him, stroking my hair a little.

"I guess it is" I smile as his warm breath hits my neck.

"Listen, this has been touching but we should get going or there is a chance they might kill us both" he kinda smiles but opens the car door, I slide in the passenger seat and begin to look over him. He starts the car, turning it around, I haven't been in a car in forever and grab the window, he laughs, it's even nicer in person, he looks so happy.

"What? You never been in a car?" He smiles, looking over at me as we drive down the side road leading to the community. He has it programmed into the GPS on his phone, I couldn't give him directions besides what the gate looks like and what it's called, I'm just lucky he found it.

"Not since I was like... 12" I mumble.

"Wha-" he looks like he doesn't beleive me, glancing over as we pull onto the highway, "really? That would be like... 10 years?" I nod, "really? Man, your cult thing is fucking crazy!" I laugh, nodding my head.

"Tell me about it?" He says, excitedly, so I do.


	2. -The City's Ours Until The Fall-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started to write a fun chapter than I had to deal with Lilith Existng, I know its all published the same day but i'm just copy and pasteing the first... I think its 4 chapters onto here today!!

*PJ's POV*

"Okay so, we moved there when I was nine and there were like 8 kids in the entire place. They gave us some weird stuff and we payed them a shit ton of money and then I was homeschooled. For a religious cult the kids sure we're dicks, they used to call me a fag, I didn't know what it meant but..." Chris continues to talk, I had asked him to tell me about his life there, but I can't concentrate on his words. I'm having trouble even looking at the road, he's gorgeous, how could anyone concentrate around him? "And now I'm here because, obviously it sucked there"

"Yeah wow... Make a book or somthing, I mean... Wow, you've got a story, man" I say, hoping it doesn't come out as breathless as it must, I look over at him while he laughs, almost getting lost before he yells,

"PEEJ LOOK OUT" I turn back to the road, I haven't really been paying attention.

"Fuck!" I yell, swerving us out of the way, the truck we almost knocked into honking at us loudly. I end up pulled over on the side of the highway.

"What was that?"

"The hell Chris? That's almost crashing a car." Does he really not have any idea? What's he talking about?

"No, why were you so distracted, was it me, huh?" He hits me playfully, I can't help but to laugh.

"Oh so um, Lillith is coming over for dinner tonight so I need you to kinda hide out in my room while she's there, is that okay?" His face drops but he nods.

"Wait!" He says, smiling again, "you never answered my question!" I roll my eyes, trying to stop the smile breaking across my face. I finally get the nerve to sneak a glance at him and instantly regret it, he's grinning like a psychopath and it only makes me smile more. "KNEW IT! YOU JUST LOVE ME DONT YOU, UGH YOU SLUT!" He says dramatically, slapping my arm a few times, both of us bursting into laughter. It's always felt so easy to talk and joke around with him, but it's... Different in real life, not in a bad way.

"You're the one who can't seem to keep you're hands off!" I say giggling as he slaps me again.

"What can I say? How could I resist... You?" He says it so sarcastically but I still blush, one day, maybe he'll really be thinking about me, like really... Having feelings for me. I smile, shaking my head, I want to kiss him so bad, it would feel right in the silence we have upheld. Both of us breathing heavily, just inches from one another, I could reach out, pull him closer. But I don't.

"We should um... Get going, I'll show you the city... Till 7, then she's coming and yeah..." I grumble, he frowns but shifts back into his seat, I restart the car, pulling cautiously back onto the road. The ride is relatively quite so I flick on the radio, some sappy pop song plays through the speakers, I hand Chris my phone, "play somthing, the radio fucking sucks" he scrolls though casually, finally clicking some Fall Out Boy or somthing.

"I don't really know most of this..." He mumbles, shifting the phone into the holder-thing.

"What, do you guys not have music or somthing?" He laughs, shaking his head.

"I had a computer so I had music but I kinda just clicked whatever I could find... Didn't really know of much, ya know?" I kinda shrug, keeping my eyes on the road, I pull my sunglasses out and put them on. "Those are cute" Chris says, I can't tell if he is flirting or just being him.

"Thanks?" He does half a laugh before continuing to shift through my music.

We don't talk the rest of the time and he barely seems to notice when I pull infront of my flat until I turn off the car and the music stops.

"This where you live?" He looks at the building, I live above a cafe, it's good for me, always coffee, but it's kinda weird to introduce to.

"Yeah, third floor, doors at the end of the hallway, it's number 13, it's unlocked go in that door-" I gesture to the side door between an ally and the shop. "I'll bring your stuff up in a minute"

"I can get some of it, don't worry" we get out and I open the backseat where he had thrown all his stuff, I grab the duffle bag and a colourful backpack, handing him the other one. He grabs the duffle from me and walks twords the door, I sigh, locking my car before walking after him. I climb up the steps and see my door open, Chris's face pressed against the window.

"PJ YOU CAN SEE LIKE... THE ENTIRE CITY FROM HERE!" I laugh, shutting the door and throwing the rest of his stuff down with the duffle. I shift cautiously to the window, he's knelt down infront of it with both hands on the glass.

"You look like a little kid!" He shoves me a little, standing up almost my height.

"It's so cool tho! You have such a nice Veiw and nice city and wooooow!" I laugh, almost subconciously putting a hand on his waist.

"Wanna go see it?" He looks so excited and imeadiatly starts to scramble to the door, I can never help being happy around him, I follow him, shaking my head.

By the time I get to the street, he's already practically jumping up and down on the pavement.

"Where do you wanna go?" I ask, he looks at me with wide eyes.

"I just... Well I don't exactly know... Um... What's here?" He looks kinda disappointed in himself, I wanna digest somthing fun but honestly, I'm not even sure what he would like to do here. I check the time on my phone, it's about 1 so we could go get lunch?

"Are ya hungry?" I ask, slipping the phone back into my pocket. He nods a little, "yeah? Alright, what you want to eat?" He pauses for a second before a smile breaks across his face.

"Can we get pizza? I haven't had it in agggges!" I smile at his dramatic 'ages'.

"Alright, right this way." He giggles, taking the arm I offer him. There is a cute place a few blocks away, it's just a little place, practically carved into the wall. We grab our food and go to sit down, "do you wanna just go eat at my place?" It could be easier but he shakes his head. We sit down and begin eating, he looks so excited. "Do you guys just... Not have pizza?" He shakes his head, continuing to eat. It's kinda adorable how excited he gets over everything. We finish up and walk down the street some, his hand single finding mine without either of us even acknowledging it.

"Where to now?" I finally get up the nerve to speak, I'm anxious because of our interlocked hands, not because I don't like it, because someone I know could see us.

"I don't know what's here... Where do you wanna go?" I kinda wanna go home, but he looks so excited to be out, I just shrug.

"Let's just walk around, tell me if there is anything that looks fun for you?" He smiles and skips up ahead, turning around.

"It's so cool to be in a city again!" He laughs, stoping at a street and pressing the button to cross. I lean against the sign-thing, sighing as it starts to rain. That's what I get for living in fucking England I guess. 

"In here," I say, putting my hand on the swell of his back as I lead him to the closest store, a run-down bar, "we have to leave in about an hour so I can get everything ready..." I mumble, taking a seat at a table in the corner, there is only one other person here besides the bar tender and I don't bother to be too self conscious. "Do you um, want a drink?" He nods I walk up to the bar and order, taking them back to our seat, "I want sure what you liked so-"

"Oh please, I don't know what I like, I've never had a drink in my life!" I laugh as he takes a drink, shaking his head, "alcohols fucking disgusting" he says, taking another drink.

We talk about stupid things like the movies we've seen and video games. Eventually I have to admit that it's four and we should get going as it will take at least half an hour and I have to get my flat ready and make Lillith dinner, I plan on eating telling her I'm having second thoughts but not break it off then have her get out. She shouldn't stay any longer than she has to, she's a sweet girl but I can't... It's hard for me to spend time with her.

We leave the pub and walk down the rainy street, it's slowed down to a drizzle but the sidewalk and roads are covered in puddles and water drips from awnings and roofs.

We walk in my flat, still kinda cold from the rain. I quikly start cleaning up and getting dinner set, Chris brings his stuff into my room for now so she won't see it.

20 minutes before the foods done, my door bell rings. Chris practically runs to my room as I open the door.

"Lilith! Hello" I say, hugging her, trying to avoid a kiss.

"Hey Peej, I missed you this last week! Why havnt we seen each other, we are getting married... Why don't we move in together?" I shrug, pulling my food out and shoving it into the microwave, she's a sweet girl, but I don't need this time.

We eat, making some small talk, I wish I could have just had dinner with Chris, why did I even get myself into this mess? Why didn't I just not propose at least.

"I'll be right back," I practically run to my room, I can't do this anymore.

Chris stands up from the bed, "what's wrong?"

"I can't deal with her right now, Chris, why did I get myself into this mess? Why was hiding the gay that important to me?"

"Because you're fucking stupid," he mumbles, pressing closer to me, I start to lean twords him, not sure what I'm doing, only knowing how much I like him, when I hear footsteps in the hall.

"Peej?" Chris looks at me, horrified.

"Get in the closet, go!"

"Wow Peej, defidently wanna-"

"Listen Chris, be silent, not a time for gay jokes" I growl as there is a knock at my door and Chris shuts himself in the closet.

Lillith cracks the door open, I take a deep breath, turning around slowly.


	3. -It's Human Rights For Everyone There Is No Difference-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning PJ is outed and there is a lot of chat about sex but nothing really "happens" there is kissing ad stuff but thats it and so there is your warning. Also the end is hella cheesy and I sort of hate it but also love it so there.

*Chris's POV*

I peep out the crack in the closet as they begin talking, she hugs Peej and I can't help but get a little jelous, That should be me.

"PJ, we need to try living with each other before we spend forever together!"

"No I'm good," She then kisses PJ passionately, his eyes wide open, she pushes him back onto the bed, playing with the buttons on his shirt, "We should... You know..." She leans down kissing him, he looks so horrified and I begin to get angry with her.

"Why are you acting like this? Please don't," he begins to push her off.

"I get it, you're 'saving it for marriage' but we will be married in a few months and it will bring us closer!" She groans, looking down at him inocently.

"Yeah er... About that, some second guesses... Not sure, I mean I'm only 19, maybe we should call it-"

"No! See, this is why if I do it with you maybe you'll like me more" he starts to laugh, I feel like I'm narrating a story, watching it from a narrow crack without the full plot, "What? Was that a dumb guess?" Even in this state she's trying to be cute about everything.

"Ya know what?" PJ yells, shoving her off him and standing up, "I don't care, if you haven't guessed, I'm gay! I like guys and I'm calling off the engagement. So get off of me, and do me a favour? Don't tell my parents, and just leave me the hell alone!" She starts to cry dramatically, and I still can't see what Peej thought was so cute about her yet, "listen, you're sweet and someone is gonna love you a lot, it just isn't me," he shrugs, "sorry?" She runs out then, PJ flops back on the bed, head in his hands. I wait till I hear the front door slam before slowly opening the closet.

"Wow... Peej?" He looks up at me, his eyes bloodshot.

"I am so fucking stupid..." I sit next to him, putting my hand on his lower back for support.

"It will be okay," I mumble the words, he leans into me, beginning to cry against my shoulder.

"No it won't... It was terrible to be engaged to her, but it's worse not to be" I play with his hair, shushing him.

"No, it's gonna be fine and in a few years, you'll be happy and it will be-" the phone rings, he reaches over.

"It's my mum" he looks up at me, his eyes big and fearful, "she told her, didn't she? Do I answer it?" I don't know what to say, slowly nodding. "Mum?" His face drops and I know Lilith told her, "you know what? Fuck it, I don't care anymore" he says agressivly at first and then calmly and sadly "It's okay, mum, tell dad for me, but I'll be fine. I'm gay, yeah, I don't know why, I mean I was gonna tell you in person" I can only hear what PJ says but am putting it together well enough. He sighs, "love you too, mum" dropping the phone, he puts his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Peej," I whisper after a few minutes, he begins to cry again, looking up at me.

"This isn't how it was supposed to go! It was gonna be happy, and my mum and dad were gonna be here and we were gonna hug and it would be good and Lilith would already be gone a while and-" he blubbers indecisively for a minute before leaning into my chest, I wrap my arms around his frame, "Chris it wasn't supposed to be like this!"

"I know, it will be okay, PJ I promise." He curls up tighter against me, putting his arms around my neck and soaking my shoulder in tears.

"I fucked up," he says after a few minutes, looking up at me like earlier, but now his face is stained with tear tracks and his eyes are puffy. I wipe his tears with my thumb, neither of us breaking eye contact for what feels like forever. I want to kiss him, I'm not sure if it's too soon, but it should be comforting for him and no matter what it's gonna happened eventually.

"Can I kiss you?" I whisper, he just nods.

I start to slowly close my eyes, leaning forward twords him. I suddenly feel his hands on my chest, and my eyes snap open.

"No... It's okay," he mumbles, his hands staying there as he leans twords me as well. It's defidently one of the most awkward encounters I've ever had, but it's worth it when I finally feel him kiss me. It's soft and warm and nice, I relise it's technically my first kiss but know it's not his, besides I'm 22, don't wanna bring that up. I put my hand behind his head, leaning into him more as he moved his hands up around my neck. We slowly kiss for a little while, neither of us wanting to break this off. I kiss him slowly and run my hands through his hair for a pleasant eternity until he finally begins to pull away.

I open my eyes, our faces inches apart, his eyes are bright like a torch and the room sudenly seems so much smaller. I stroke his curly hair, tucking one strand behind his head.

"You're so pretty. You know that, right?" I'm not sure why I said it, or what the purpose was, but it's true. He giggles, looking up at me again.

"Wow..." I thought he might be mad after that, he called off an engagement and came out that night. It feels like a shitty reality show, but either way, I love it.

"What now?" I ask sudenly. I'm not used to 'relationships' and I don't know how to respond to it. He shrugs, still wrapped up in each other.

"So Christopher, do you maybe wanna go on a date with me?" We both laugh I reach down and kiss him again, it was meant to be quike but we both seem to stay there. I deepen the kiss without a second thought, holding him tighter against me. He pulls at my hair, falling backwards further as I lay down on top of him. I move my hands down his body, this is all I've thought about since I first saw him, It's insane too how much like a sitcom this is. I move my lips over his cheek and then look over him, he opens his eyes, our noses pressed together, wow.

"PJ!" The voice breaks our comfortable silence, I stand up quikly and so does he. Luckily, the voice wasn't in the room but the hallway.

"It's uhm... It's my mum..." He mumbles, I go twords the closet but he shakes his head, instead I just stand in the corner.

"Mom, dad! Hi, uhm I wasn't expecting you?" I hear him say before the door shuts. I can barely make out the conversation but I make out some key words in the small apartment like 'gay', 'marriage', 'Lilith' and 'should have told us sooner', it goes silent and I can picture them hugging and just being a family, somthing I don't have. I assume their gonna be here a while so I have dome time to think about what the hell just happened between Peej and I.

We kissed... I don't know if he likes me, he was vulnerable, it was a mistake... But he's so pretty, and what if he does like me? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, but I doubt it's like this, but now that I've meant him it's like I can't get enough. I want him with me all the time, I just want to touch him and kiss him an-

As if on-cue, PJ opens the door.

"Hey Peej, are your parents gone, should we talk?" He shakes his head,

"Their still here," I nod, I have to be quite again? But I was already quite? "Come with me, they have to meet the friend that's been staying with me," he grabs my hand, leading me out.

"Hi, you're Chris?" His mom says, hugging me lightly, his dad shakes my hand then steps back. I just casually smile and hope for the best.

"Yeah he's staying with me for a bit before he can get on his feet, ya know?" PJ says, shifting around. I still can't get over the way he said 'friend' back then. I know we aren't technically more, but I want to be, I have since the first time we talked, I fell in love too quick and I don't even mind.

We make awkward small talk and then PJ and his parents hug and makes some excuse about the time before shuffling out the door, leaving me and him sitting awkwardly on the sofa. We both start talking at once, 'what wa-' 'what are we' stuff along that, before we both just stop, not sure what to really do.

"You were vulnerable and I liked you, you wouldn't have done that if you weren't-"

"No, I would've, that was a big part of the point of you coming here before I dumped Lilith, I wanted you to know before..."

"But it was the same day, Peej! We shouldn't ha-" we are both standing now, inches apart once again.

"We didn't have sex! Jesus Christ, we ain't even dating! We just kissed, I like you a lot, but this isn't a big deal!" I stand silently, we are close enough I can feel his breath on my face, he begins to laugh, his voice deep. "I really like you, Chrissy." He steps closer, putting his hand on the side of my face, "I want to be with you," he mummbles against the side of my face.

"I do too, PJ Liguori"


	4. -Golden Days-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically a cute lil fun chapter I kinda love it.

*Pj's POV*

I wake up and walk out of my room to go get some coffee. I emerge without a shirt, still groggy from the morning haze. I get my cup, turning to the coffee maker, nearly dropping my cup as I am faced with Chris asleep on my couch.

"Oh shit! I forgot!" I mumble, turning to go get a shirt, he looks up at me groggily.

"Wha-" he looks around before locking eyes with me and then looking down at my chest and stomach, raising his eyebrows, "well good morning PJ" he smirks.

"Er... I forgot you were here?" I mumble. He laughs, sitting up slowly.

"You look nice, I mean that colour really brings out your eyes!" I dramatically roll with said body part as he stands up, his shirt is right and I can see his body, he's pretty fit if I'm honest.

For a moment I'm kinda lost starring at him before he eats close enough for me to look at his eyes. I work to break away from his stare, "Jesus Chris!" I say, trying to sound causal. I shove him lightly and begin walking to get a shirt. I'm surprised when I get to my room and he's still standing there.

"I'm gonna go try and find a job today?" He says questionably.

"Okay, but do you have any qualifications? A resume maybe?" Chris's face drops.

"No idea... I've seen it on TV only?" I laugh, he has a big storm coming. I pull my shirt over my head, walking closer to him.

"It's very different. I can help you out today, I work a night shift as you know." He looks almost surprised, then bursting into a smile. I push past him towards the kitchen to get some food. He sits on the counter but I don't complain. 

"We need to talk about last night..." He mumbles out of nowhere, I looked up from what I'm doing, turning to face him. 

-The Night Before-

"I do too, PJ Liguori" our faces are close together and I planned on kissing him but it doesn't feel right. We stare at each other another moment before he leans in and pecks my lips. "So how do real relationships work?" Chris smirks, looking me over.

"I guess I would take you on a few dates and then ask if you'll be my boyfriend but considering we already live together..." He laughs, he's so pretty when he smiles.

"What now" he whispers after almost a minute of awkward silence. I want to kiss him, to hold him, to feel him, but I know I can't.

"I-I gotta get ready for work" I pull away and get my stuff together, trying to compose this feeling in the pit of my stomach, it's not bad, but I can't have this 

By the time I got home he was passed out, he was so cute and I didn't wanna wake him. I put a blanket over him and went to my room.

-Back to the Future- (see? That wasn't funny at all but I thought of it and I'm leaving it there)

"What is there to talk about?" I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. He hops off the contour, rejoining our common position of kinda-touching-but-not-really.

"I want to be with you and you want to be with me, Peej we should be together!" I want to be with him too, but that's just not how it works! Especially since I just got out of an engagement and came out. I mean it's not like my parents don't already think we are together tho.

"Yeah well I... I dunno?" I say, I kinda have a reason but I know he will shoot it down immediately, I mean he knows I like him.

"Yeah well you have to have a reason so why don't you tell me" he presses himself closer to me.

"Even if I didn't even like the girl," I start before he cute me off,

"Or girls in general." I laugh a little as he smiles smugly at his own joke.

"Yeah exactly! But I was still engaged and you know what people would think and what that would be like an-" he laughs.

"It's not like we would be announcing it if you don't want! What if we just go on a real date and hold hands and just see what happens?" I nod, I could do that. That's not a commitment and he's a great guy.

"What like Yesterday?" He shoves me slightly but blushes, "we also made out and knew one another pretty well so I'm not sure if we can have a 'first date'" he shrugs.

"I don't care what number date or whatever, just that I date you" damn, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. I don't know what to say and I guess he doesn't either, just starring at each other. He leans forward but I pull away, turning around to the counter.

"That's the cutest thing anyone's ever said to me," I mumble, trying to suppress a grin.

"Sorry I guess I..." I look over him, he looks so guilty and sad, I step forward. I kiss him lightly as he wraps his arms around my waist. He hold there a moment before slowly pulling apart, he's the hottest boy I've ever seen if I'm honest.

"I do, I want to be with you." I say, suddenly sure of myself. His eyes sparkle and his face breaks into a grin and I can't help but smile along side him.

"So... Do we go on a date now?" I hold both his hands and swing them between us.

"Do you wanna go get lunch and then see a movie?" I ask, suddenly very excited to look up movie times and wishing it was closer to lunch time. "I have to work tonight tho so I'll have to be back, I can drop you off someplace after if you want?" He nods, he looks happy but also disappointed.

"Can you help me make a resume or whatever?" I nod, getting my coffee and laptop.

A few hours later I've learnt a lot about Chris's working and schooling past, as well as helped him begin a job application. It's pretty good if I say so myself, I mean I did write half of it. It's almost one anyway so I decide we should go get food.

"We could just go down to the cafe below my apartment or we could go find something?" I ask, I don't really go out much.

"What about the diner we saw the other day?" I nod, it looked cute enough.

We both get better dressed and walk out the door down twords the door, he laces his fingers through mine, when I look at him he smiles. He looks nervous like he thinks i'm gonna get mad or something. We walk in silence for a while until we reach a corner and I press the button to cross. 

"Hey Peej?" Chris squints against the sun and I nod, "What is your job?" My heart sinks and my breath catches in my throat, we cross the street quickly when the light turns. "You can tell me, I wont judge, I was in a cult for 13 years for fucks sake!" I swallow and turn to face him.

"I work in a bar," I say, hoping he doesn't as beyond that. 

"Oh well, can I come? It will be a nice thing and I can see what you do for work?" I'm not sure how to respond, slowly shaking my head.

"Oh well its not really that sort of bar..." He looks at me cluelessly for a moment before it must click. 

"Oh, is it a straight bar?" Oh my God, he's never this clueless and I know somethings up.

"You just want me to say it don't you?" He purses his lips and looks at me to the people on the sidewalk momentarily. 

"Yes, Yes I do." I sigh, "Besides, I wouldn't want to make assumptions," 

"Fine," I don't believe i'm about to say this out loud, usually I say I work in a bar and people assume i'm a bartender and its left at that. But Chris, he is different, and besides, I would have to tell him eventually. "Yes, I am a stripper," I say angrily, "You are currently on a date with someone in the sex industry." He smiles, "What? Why are you smiling?" I shove him a little after continuously asking him 'what'. 

"You're so cute," I look at him like hes insane, asking him to explain. "Its just, you're so nervous about something that's not a big deal, It's a job, Peej." I can't help wrapping him in a hug, "Oh hey, where did that come from?" 

"Thank you," I whisper, holding back tears. Even Lillian, who I was engaged to, thought I was a bartender, I didn't tell people this ever because it ruins my chances at anything else, Including people loving me, people say its not true, and I try and believe them but its so scary. And here Chris is, fully okay and accepting of it, I thought for sure he would never stay with me never like me, never be my friend, let alone more. He awkwardly pats my back and I separate back a little, he smiles at me and I can tell what I must look like. 

"No problem," He shakes his head, smiling faintly. 

"What?" I grin, choking back tears and shoving him gently. 

"You're very, very cute." I shove him lightly, we're both grinning like lunatics. 

"Hey," He giggles, flicking my arm. I flick him back, soon we are both standing in the middle of the pavement flicking and poking one another and laughing. I am well aware that the sign to cross the road has came and gone, we would need to press it again to cross, and I know we look like fucking psychopaths, but I don't care. I lean against the post to try and catch my breath, we are both giggling like middle schoolers. 

Chris places his arm around me and I can't help the grin that burst across my face. I look over at him and see his nervous eyed but smiling face. We stare at each other a second before I feel him lean twords me. Slowly, we close the gap, I kiss him slow on the busy street. He smiles into my lips and its all I can do to giggle, we separate slowly, smiling, arms wrapped around each other. 

"We... We should like... We should get... Lunch" I nod but neither of us begin to move. I know we have to so I slowly snake my arm away and press the button to cross. We wait in silence with our fingers laced together, I relies just minutes ago I was terrified someone would see us just being too close, now I have kissed him on a sidewalk. I could feel the dirty looks people threw our way, but I stopped caring. I feel safe and happy with him and I just don't care. We cross the street quickly, both of us trapped in our own thoughts. I try and distract myself, think about normal problems, we cant go get food everyday, I don't make enough for that, I need to pay my bills, will be harder if I- You know, I liked boy problems better. 

"We cant go out for food everyday, just I dunno..." He smiles,

"I know, I'm not stupid." We walk in the diner, taking a seat in a far corner. "I like just being out in public if i'm honest," Chris says, after a few moments of silence. 

"What do you mean by that?" I smile, pleased just to hear his side of things. 

"Well, before even if you went out it was the same square mile of... Well literally a cult. Here, there are all sorts of different people and different story's they have. New and better places. People are happy, some are still sad, but not in the same eternalness as before," 

"Has any one told you that you're great with words?" I ask, I am well aware that I'm smiling like a dumb fuck. 

"I had a teacher once that said I had language that disgraced God," I burst out laughing, it's kinda stupid but for some reason, i'm happy. I am happy for the first time in probably 10 years. I see him blushing as he pushes the sugar packets around, this lil' shit... 

The waitress comes with our drinks and Chris begins pouring sugar into his sweet tea ~Do They Have Sweet Tea in England? Like iced tea?~ "Jesus Chris how much sweetener do you use?" I giggle as he adds his fifth packet of sugar. 

He begins to count his used packets and bursts open another, he takes a sip, "Aperantly 7 packets" He giggles and adds just one more. 

"You know you're the type of guy they make movies about?" 

"I know." He says, grinning.


	5. -Heaven is a place on Earth With You-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at that 5 Chapters i had written, I have a sixth partially written, Note the original writing of all these was done over a few months so yeah here we are another cute ass chapter!!

*Chris's POV*

Pj opens the door to his apartment, it's almost four in the afternoon as we spent a long time just joking around after lunch. He is so cute all the time but when he smiles its like a thousand stars in each of his bright eyes. I know he has to work at 8 tonight and I am being a burden even just by spending so much time with him. I have already been trying to get a job but its so much harder out here, I guess everything is harder in the real world. But no matter what, I am happier. Even if I have more worries, it's almost like a relief because I don't have the same worries I've had for so many years. I decided to go and try and get a simple job, like a dishwasher at a restaurant or a bustboy, something they would give kids. Maybe a cashier at a store, that's what I was kinda doing in the cult, Peej said Tesco or something would probably hire me. We sit down on the couch, Pj switches on the TV to some stupid show. 

"So do I bring the resume to places and ask to hire me? Is that how it works?" I ask when the show gets too fucking boring for even me to handle. 

"Pretty much," He grumbles, I don't know why he's suddenly acting like that, "Sometimes you email it to them or something." 

We fall back into silence, I wish I could say it wasn't awkward. "Um, so where is like the nearest Testco or whatever?" 

"Down the street, like 2 blocks from here, but you're not done with your resume or anything, just stay home tonight, yeah?" I nod, wishing I had something good to say. 

"This show is really stupid and boring," He laughs, hitting me on the side.

"That's the point!" I had always been a total slut for worthless comedy, but this was barely funny. 

"But look at them! There are zero like-able characters and its not even funny!" He looks at me, it was almost mocking except he looked extremely happy and I wasn't quite sure why. 

"Yeah, you hate watch it, you're not supposed to like them." 

"But nothing bad ever happens to them! The point of having terrible characters is eventually they will get in a really bad situation and it will relieve the viewer, bringing them joy in the misery-" He suddenly cuts me off.

"You're really cute, you know that?" I don't know what to say, I want to make some witty comeback, but am suddenly at a total loss for words. "Like, you're so passionate and excited, it's just you're really cute and jumpy and-" This time it's my turn to cute him off. I lean in and kiss him, I know we only just meant in person, and that we weren't technically dating, but we had been kissing and if i'm honest I don't know how relationships work, but this sure as hell feels like one. Also, I've been crushing on him for months, I passed it off as my having one friend and he was just so cool to me because he wasn't like the population I had lived with for so long, but I caught feelings for him, and I couldn't just push them aside like I wanted. If i'm right, he has feelings for me as well. We kiss slowly, I am leaned over him but slowly he lays down, tangling are limbs together. It isn't like a movie where everything is perfect and someone smiles against the others lips, slowly moving against each other. It's soft and warm, he tastes like tea and mint, its sweet. He holds his long arms around my back, as if he needs to hold me in place or I'll fly away, and I love him for it. I am being held by the most beautiful boy in the world, I have this privilege to kiss him, to love him, to be with him. I reluctantly pull away from him to ask the question that's been itching the back of my mind for a while now. 

"So are we like... Boyfriends?" He smiles up at me, his big green eyes twinkling.

"I guess we are," I barely noticed his hand had moved until he brushes the hairs out of my face. I lay down flat against him, but I can't look away from him, his soft curly hair, bright eyes, the little blemishes on his skin, all of him, he is perfect. 

"I think you're the most beautiful boy ever to exist in the history of the universe," He laughs. 

"You put up a good contest for that if I say so myself" I shake my head, he's such a sap. 

"No," I shove him as much as I can in my position, "too cheesy"

"What? 'you're the most beautiful boy in the history of the universe' or whatever isn't too cheesy?" I begin to blush even though this is a lighthearted conversation. 

"No! Not at all!" He laughs as I sit up, straddling over him as he tries to sit up as well. 

"You sound like a fucking toddler you sap" I'm basically sitting on his lap and I am extremely tempted to make a joke, saying something like 'daddy'. I open my mouth, almost getting out the first syllable before "Don't you dare say daddy or some shit like that, Christopher I swear to god," I burst out laughing, especially as he sounded oddly serious. 

"What? Will daddy have to punish?" I ask, trying to feign innocence in my voice but failing, not even being able to hold back laughter. 

"I hate you," PJ says between giggles. 

"Please, you fucking love me," I say, leaning down to kiss him. I can feel his breath before I am pushed over. "Aye mate what the fuck?" 

"Oh my god she did not!" He says, pointing to the TV. I burst out laughing, especially since it's in the middle of a dairy commercial. 

"For fucks sake Peej," We are both back to just laughing at nothing, kissing and shoving each other between fits of giggles. 

It ends with us both laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. This time, the silence is pleasant, like old friends meeting up or something, are fingers entwined and we are just happy to be with one another. 

"Chrissy?" He sighs, his voice low and sleepy. 

"Yeah," I look over at him.

"Would it be too soon to say that I love you?" I grin, shaking my head.

"No, because I love you too." I kiss him again, this time it is like a movie, my hand on his cheek as we lay on the floor of a dumpy apartment. He even smiles into the kiss, which makes me smile, which makes us separate because we are both just happy smiling messes. We stare at each other with goofy eyes until suddenly PJ's phone beeps off. 

"Shit," I ask him what it is, "I just have to get ready for work, I have the alarm so I don't forget." He stands up and I do too, he rushes to his room and I don't follow. He comes back in the tightest jeans I've ever seen and a big sweater. He walks over to me, pressing his body against me and holding my arms, "I will see you, after work." He kisses me quickly before skipping out the door, it's 7:45. I plop on the couch, Peej won't be home until midnight at the earliest. I pull out my laptop, putting on some movie off a website, but i'm not really watching it, I can't go two seconds without my mind drifting to PJ. 

So this is what they make movies about.

I try and watch the shitty horror film, but even the jump scares don't get me. 

I guess I doze off because next I know the flat door is being shut and I hear my name being called faintly. 

"Hey Peej," I mumble, sitting up.

"Oh, i'm sorry, did I wake you?" The apartments small, it opens into the living room, the bedroom and bathroom to one side of it and the kitchen to the other. He said my name, of course I woke up, I check my phone, its 2:23 am, i guess he thought I was still awake. I often would be up when we were texting, but somehow I managed to become a sleepy mess almost immediately. 

"Yeah, but it's okay, i'm happy to see you!" He smiles as I try and stand up, tripping a little. He of course catches me, holding me up and giggling already. "How was work?" I inquire, not really caring but wanting to hear his voice. 

"It was a breeze," He laughs, plopping down on the couch, I, of course, follow his movements, sitting down as well. 

"Fun times right baby?" I smirk as he rolls his eyes. Silence hangs over us like dead weight, slowly he leans his head onto my chest. I'm sure he can hear my heart pumping. I mean, this is adorable, how would it not be? It also doesn't make since, I mean, he's my fucking boyfriend! 

Oh my god, he's my fucking boyfriend. 

I put my arm around him in response, trying to even my breathing, I stare straight ahead. He smells like alcohol and sweat, makes since with his job, but it's the opposite of his usual. 

"Peej? We should get you to bed, yeah?" I say when he starts to doze off. He simply nods as I help him to stand, walking to his room slowly. He isn't drunk, just tired, kind of like when little kids need help to bed. He surprises me when we get to his room and he pulls off his sweater and tight jeans, leaving him in tight... I guess what he wears for work... "Should I leave?" I ask when he pulls a pair of flannel pants from a drawer. 

"Stay? Like, sleep in my bed?" He starts blushing as soon as the words are out, but honestly that sounds so much better than the couch. I nod, grinning excitedly. "Look away for a second though?" 

"Pretty conservative for someone in the sex industry, aye?" He hits me with the flannel pants in his hands. "Hey!" He laughs, showing me it was okay. I turn around, waiting till I get the okay to turn and face him. He still isn't wearing a shirt and I guess i'm staring because he gets a little nervous, "Is it alright if I just like sleep in this?" 

"Great actually," Even i'm surprised to hear a sentence like that out of me, but luckily he laughs. My bags are still in the corner of his room and I quickly grab some sweatpants out of it, I don't ask him to turn around, I have never been in love with my body but it's almost become a game to me to show it off. I take off my t-shirt ans jeans, suddenly aware this isn't working with my Sonic underpants, my back is to him but I hear him stiffing a laugh as I yank on my pants. 

I turn around, he's still staring at me but his laughter stops when I look at him. "Uh, can you turn off the light?" He mumbles, crawling to the wall and getting in his bed. I switch off the lights before laying down next to him. We lay there slightly apart, both of us wide awake. "Just, how the hell did you get sonic merch in an occult?" I laugh, if i'm honest I don't remember, but I don't wanna say that. I roll over and face him, the moon shining through the window gives his skin and hair in a glossy glow. 

"You're amazing, yeah?" He looks at me suddenly, his face scrunched up. 

"You didn't answer my question!" He exclaims suddenly, he rolls over as well so our faces are just inches apart. 

"The sonic fairy grants good sonic fans sonic underpants," he laughs, pecking my lip quickly. "You know our relationship is totally unrealistic?" I smirk before kissing him back, I could stay here for ever.


	6. -There's Nothing Wrong With Just A Taste Of What You Paid For-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Chapter 6~ SMUT WARNING -In case you couldn't tell by the title- ((I know pretty early on but I wanted it here and I kinda hate writing smut but I like the aftermath of it and I think its stupid if you don't just write it on out, give the people what they want!!)) I will put a notation where the actual sex starts and ends if you wanna read the non gross parts :) And the "aftermath" is like cute little breakfasts and awkward conversations and warm kisses and laying in bed just smiling at one another and i'm a mess. I WANTED THIS STORY TO BE PURE AND THEN THIS HAPPENED AND NOW I'M SAD.

*PJ's POV*

He kisses me back, it's a cute kiss, slow and soft, before we slowly draw into a more passionate and needy one. I run my hands along his body, I don't know what i'm doing but Christ do I want him. I don't even know what that in tales, and he's only been actually my boyfriend officially for a few hours but I guess we have been kinda dating for a while... We've known one another for almost 2 years and been the only people we vented to, we acted like boyfriends, even if it wasn't official, and I love this man. I know people would tell me that that's not how love works, but sometimes you find someone and nothing else matters anymore, and that's just what I found with Chris. 

I guess to some extent I've always been in love with him. From the second I got up the nerve to message him, when he responded, how he responded, everything about him was perfect. Now, I am faced with the reality of calling him my boyfriend, I am out of the hellish relationship I was in before, and this magnificent boy is laying on top of me. In a weird way it feels like i'm cheating, I mean for fucks sake I broke up with the girl what? A day ago? Two? I can barely think as he deepens the kiss, I pull his hair a bit, just wanting him closer. *This is basically where the smut starts but there is some conversation and such in between* Chris moves his lips along my cheek and onto my neck, kissing and biting softly. I want to tell him not to leave marks, but really I do. If he leaves marks it means I am his, people will see them, especially at work, they will watch as I walk by, I would tell him i'm angry but wear a low cut shirt to show the world my accomplishment. I let out a little moan as he gets lower across my chest, soon enough he reaches his head up, joining our lips in a sloppy kiss. He runs his hands over my chest, i'm almost fully hard already and there has barely even been friction between us. He bites my lip, rolling it between his teeth. Chris is fun to kiss, it isn't like it's orderly and easy, but it isn't a slobbery mess. I thrust up subconsciously, he pulls away and I already miss his taste. 

"Are we gonna... you know..." He asks, out of breath. 

"I thought so... So I guess?" I mumble awkwardly, reality crashing down as soon as he is absent from me. 

"I have no idea what i'm doing, Peej" I am pretty much a virgin (except the odd hand job incident) and I had only ever kissed boys on drunken dares, but man, I would say a lot of things about how Chris is at this, unexperianced is not one of them. I pull him back towards me and kiss him again instead of voicing a response. He laughs but I am too hung up on what we're doing to ask why. I want to run my hands over every inch of his body, just to feel him, I don't fully understand what i'm doing but I know where I want to end up. I grind up towards his hand which is dangerously close to... well to my dick. I let out a small moan the second I get any friction, he pulls our lips apart, "Seriously PJ, I don't know what i'm doing i'm just doing what I've seen in well... In porn and I guess what I have heard of on other sites..." He rambles a bit and part of me wants to pretend I know what i'm doing, I am quite literally a stripper, I feel like it's my duty to know about sex. 

"If i'm honest I don't either," I mumble, "I mean I could give the perfect lap dance and pose but I haven't exactly... Done someone?" He smiles but looks unsure.

"I really want to do this and if you're still oka-"

"Yes, fuck i'm more than okay with it please Chris?" He raises his eyebrows, I guess I do sound really needy but it's because I am. 

"D-do you have condoms and lube and such? What do you wanna do?" Fuck, I don't have either because I wan't planning on this, I blush weirdly. 

"I don't... So I guess we can't just do it?" He shakes his head.

"That would hurt you babe" Chris smiles, pushing my hair back gently. He looks caring and sweet even in this context. We stare at one another for a moment before he goes back to kissing me. It's nice, I think, he is so soft and sweet about everything. He leaves an away of kisses down my stomach, soon reaching the stretchy waistband on my pants and beginning to pull them down before i stop him, he looks embarrassed and I am quick to explain. 

"C-can I- Like can I do-do yo-you f-fi-first?" I stutter out, I want to take him into my mouth, I think I could cum just from feeling him. He looks up at me, almost concerned, "I just-" I blush, wanting an explanation besides being way into having him fill my throat, "I- I just want you, I want you however I can get you," I say, oddly confident in my response. He sits up and so do I, this has been a thoroughly awkward exchange, but within seconds I am pulling at his pants. 

"What kind of thirsty-" He laughs and starts to say before I end up grabbing his dick, making him gasp. 

"I'm thirsty?" I laugh, quirking my eyebrow. He is a lot bigger than even I expected, I look him over, just starring for a second.

"If you don't wanna do it don't" Chris's voice is calming and supportive. 

"It's just... I didn't expect you to be this... big." I look up at him just in time to see the mix of shock, pride, and amusement on his face. Just like that, still looking at him, I begin to do my "job". I bob my head, swirling my tongue over his slit, I'm in the same state he is, going off porn and random events I've seen. I continue this, seeing his head tilt back as he lets out little moans. My stomach feels hot, but shivers run up my spine. His hand grips my hair as he begins thrusting, more and more needily. I would be lying if i said I didn't love this, the way he hits the back of my throat, how dominant he is, the way he feels. 

"Fuck Peej," he moans, slowing down his thrust, "are you sure you haven't done this before?" I laugh, although it sounds more like a muffled grunt as i use my mouth for 'other things'. I touch myself subconsciously, "Fuck Peej, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" he moans, "I'm gonna-" he barely gets out the words before releasing into my mouth, for some reason this is enough to make me cum. 

*Smut ends* 

I move upward to meet him in a sloppy kiss, in which he immediately recoils from. 

"What?" 

He shakes his head, "You taste like jizz," I start to apologize, not sure why, I mean it is his fault. "Don't worry," he smirks, "it's really really sexy," I shake my head, this is a terrible thing I've done but I somehow don't regret it like... at all. 

"I don't believe we did that," I laugh under my breath, laying down next to him. 

"I don't either... Is this real?" We are both laughing and I cuddle myself against his chest, he slowly wraps his arm around me. 

I am drifting off when all of a sudden he breaks the silence, "Peej i'm scared,"

"Hmm?" I look at him, his eyes bright in the darkness. 

"It's just, a few days ago I was living with my parents in a cult and you were engaged to a woman and then here we are and we just like... we did some stuff like... It just all feels so fucking fast but I love you so I don't mind and i mean it's not like i didn't have a crush on you it just happened fast, ya know" 

"You're rambling," I mumble, "we're fine" 

I wake up, squinting and glancing around. My bed is empty and my floor clean of any discarded clothing. I get up, slipping my pajamas back up and walking out of my room. 

"Fuck!" I walk towards the sound and see Chris picking up a pan. I laugh as he looks up, blushing. "Er- good morning PJ, I was gonna make you breakfast but like... Well it didn't happen," 

"I can see," I giggle slightly as I walk closer to him, picking up discarded plates.

"I just thought ya know its what people always did in the movies after..." 

"Life isn't a movie, and you really can't cook can you?" He is still blushing bright red and shakes his head no. "Well I can't either, want some toast?" He smiles at me and grabs bread off the counter.

"I did manage to find this, however I couldn't find your toaster." 

"Dude, it's right under the microwave," He looks directly behind him, mumbling an 'oh'. 

We sit down to toast and some tea, i'm not really a coffee fan. 

"I am going to go and try and get a job today," Chris says after a few moments of silence.

"That's good, do you have an interview or anything set up?" 

"I mean I called Tesco and they need cashiers and I mean I can do that, it's basically what I did back in hell, I mean without credit cards and in a tiny shop that people just handed me ration stamps and I didn't get paid so, this should be nice!" That is the weirdest thing to me, how would you work without getting paid? I ask him this and he explains that they all had to 'do their part to help the community and deserve the ration stamps they got'. It always amazed me that that place had internet, but I guess even those terrible people needed to be able to send hate mail and emails and receive pay pal funding or whatever the hell went on. Even Chris isn't sure what was going on. 

He asks to borrow some of my clothing and I let him have at it, he comes out with a blue, short sleeve button up with boats and black pants, it looks nothing like anything I can picture him wearing but there he is, still cute. 

"Bye," I kiss him softly once, he insist he doesn't need me to show him where it is, he knows. I wish him luck and watch him walk out the flat. I can't help but feel like a sad wife from the 40's and think I should have a red polka dotted dress and bow, I am not really sure why this is the analogy, but it is. 

I don't say it, but I need him to get this job, even if he will be working at Tesco for minimum wage, I need help with paying for everything, I am more than happy to hep him out, but I was broke before he got here and I am fucked over if he doesn't start bringing in some income. If I was religious, I would have prayed, instead I just sit by the window, waiting for him to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Okay I hate writing smut sorry this took so long, I also know getting a job isn't this easy (i'm currently trying to get my workers papers) So this was a mess and I don't like it that much but it won't "ruin" the story so its okay???


	7. -If Home Is Where The Heart Is Then We're All Just Fucked-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting frens, Dan and Phil are introduced in this chapter!

*Chris's POV*

I am so happy as I walk home, it occurs to me that it is a little bit weird that I already refer to PJ's apartment as "home". I guess it is the first place I've felt safe for a very long time. It is late afternoon, around dinner actually and the sun begins to go down, it's a very pretty evening and I try not to get lost on the short walk home. I am probably getting the job, I can start next week if I get the email (I don't have a phone nor did i remember PJs number)

I run up the steps to PJs flat barging in the door. He glances up from his computer, his tea in hand. "How did it go?" 

"I think I got the job, well they're gonna email me and I think it's just because they feel bad for me but i can probably start next week!" Pj stands up and hugs me, grinning. 

"I'm so proud of you!" 

"Yeah and you're happy I can help pay your rent ans such," I shove him slightly, grinning. "Are you thinking of getting a new job? Because yours isn't-" He cuts me off.

"I don't know what else to do," He almost whispers, his soft hair moving as he shakes his head. "I don't know what else to do, I want to know and I want to change it but I can't, Chris, I just can't" 

I'm not sure how to respond to how he says it, I know he hates his work, it isn't something many people are a fan of doing. "I can't" He mumbles over and over, eyes brimming with tears. I pull him into a tight hug, patting his back and holding him close. We sit on the couch, and he lays his head on my shoulder. I pull him closer against me, I feel bad for him, worse for how he is feeling, and worst for bringing it up. 

Suddenly, PJ sits up, wiping his bright eyes, "i can't do this right now," He says, matter-of-factually, "I have to work tonight," I am left completely dumb founded watching this gorgeous boy just pick himself up, dealing with what he hates most in the world. I stand up and soon he is rushing past me, his makeup done sparkly and sweat pants and a loose t shirt over his work cloths (if you could even call them that). 

PJ kisses me on the cheek, "Can you pick me up after? Do you know how to drive?" I shake my head, "We will have to give you lessons then you can learn and get your licences." I nod, "Okay I will ask Dan's boy to pick us both up, I don't want to walk home tonight, I have a late shift" I nod and he is running out the door. I pick up my computer, plopping onto the couch and opening google.

How to get a safer job if you're a stripper? 

Google doesn't seem to have an answer.

 

I am awoken to PJ laughing and I look up, I must have fallen asleep, it is late, after 3 am and three tall boys pile into an apartment. 

"Wha-" I question, PJ smiles at me.

"I told Dan about you and he just had to meet you and then his boyfriend came too!" The boy with soft brunette eyes and even softer brown eyes smiles, holding his hand out, I quikly stand up and shake it.

"Hello, I'm Dan I work with PJ and this is my boyfriend Phil," He gestures to the older man with striking blue eyes and almost violent raven hair who nods. He acts serious but his bright blue button up and light up sneakers contradict his dark nod. 

"Hi nice to meet you i'm Chris!" I say as cheerily as I can muster at almost 4 am when I was just awoken. 

"You're right he is cute," Dan elbows a blushing PJ. 

"Uh do you guys want anything to drink, a snack maybe?" Peej offers suddenly, his guest both shake their head. Dan sits down on the couch, plopping my computer on the side table, Phil sits in the corner looking oddly uncomfortable. 

"What were you watching?" Dan asks, I glance at the screen, a re run of The Simpsons beginning. 

I go to switch off the TV, "Not much just Simpsons, I guess I passed out sorry," Dan shakes his head suddenly.

"Leave it on, that way no matter how awkward there is background noise," I nod, not turning it off but turning it down a bit. 

I notice Dan has sparkly makeup on the side of his face as he yawns leaning his head on Phil's shoulder. Phil look surprised but doesn't comment on it, Dans glitter somehow not only getting on his shoulder but on his glasses and a little in his mouth. I can't help at giggle at Phils silent struggle against the loose glitter. PJ comes back in the room with a mug of tea and sits on the other end of the couch and I make my way to the folding chair.

"So Phil I haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?" 

"Ya know same old, same old, Dan is 'bout to move in with me but I see you boys are a step ahead," He chuckles, I notice when he speaks he has a thick northern accent, almost like mine. 

PJ laughs too, "Well I didn't exactly have a choice, we had to get him out of there, we weren't even officially boyfriends when he moved in," 

"Wow you're moving fast, be careful, although you guys make just the cutest couple." Phil smiles, and I can see what Dan sees in him now that he isn't so tense. 

"Yeah, thank you, I mean I have known him a while so I think we are safe," I want to scream when Peej talks like i'm not in the room, however he reaches over ans places his hand on my leg, smiling at me like the handsome prince he is. The two of them continue to talk, something about Phils work as a radio presenter, something about YouTube, a lot about boys, Dan is sound asleep on Phils arm. I kinda sit there awkwardly, dozing off slightly. 

I guess I dozed more than I thought because I wake up to light shining through the windows and Dan and Phil leaving saying good byes.

"By Chris we should hang out some time, get to know each other!" Dan says cheerily, smiling like a little kid.

"Nice to meet you," Phil practically grunts before stumbling out the flat. 

I let PJ shut the door before beginning to stumble towards bed. "They are nice, I would like to get to know em more soon yeah?" 

"I mean you slept half the time they were here," He chuckles, hugging me from behind and burring his face in my neck. 

"They were here until fucking 6 am" I point out, making him laugh more as we flop onto the bed, smiling at one another groggily. It occurs to me that he hasn't slept at all yet, "You must be exhausted," I say, petting his hair and tucking us each in. He sighs, cuddling against me. 

"Yeah, but I had fun and I think they liked you so that's all that matters!" He cuddles into me, I refrain from asking why he was not sure, I mean they should be absolutely in love with me. I giggle at my own thoughts, I think Peej tries to ask 'what' but is already half asleep. 

Surprisingly I have trouble falling asleep, I can't help thinking of how lucky I am, but also of Phils words of caution, he seems like a smart guy, he is I am sure, and the careful warning he gave us seems to haunt my mind. I know it is true, I know we are moving astronomically fast, but is it so wrong? So scary?

But what if he is right and I end up a mess, I end up hurting this gorgeous boy next to me? I almost feel as if we can make it but I am sure everyone does, my mind races a million miles an hour, what ifs and fears crashing together with my drowsy state.

I am not sure if I am in sleep or wake as I walk around a small house, Pj sitting at a wooden table, a small kid running around, I smile, kissing my husband and hoping the kid doesn't knock anything over. All too soon the room caves in black and red flooding in the child drowning. PJs face distorts, the house is gone i'm left laying on the ground, My mother is telling me how worthless I am, how I did this to myself, this is hell. I try and get up, the room is pristine white but I am stuck to the ground, unable to force myself up, I kick and scratch but I can't move, The ground shakes violently, I hear my name shouted over and over.

I wake up, PJ shaking me and yelling my name, i'm covered in a cold sweat and sit up, grabbing onto PJ, crying, not sure why I am such a mess. 

"It's okay, I am here, Don't worry," PJ whispers support, holding me in his arms.

"I'm scared," I say, Looking at him as he wipes my eyes, he nods.

"I know baby, do you want breakfast or try to get a good sleep in finally?" 

He is so kind, I must have only slept about half an hour as the clock shows 7:08, I know I need sleep but it doesn't sound like a compelling place to be trapped as of late. 

"You need sleep," I mumble instead, laying back down with Peej, at the very least I know he will keep me safe in waking, I am the luckiest man in all of Manchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally gonna have Chris be like beat up but then didn't know how to write it well and didn't like what i had so i decided to just have a nice chapter.


End file.
